I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
The air was thick with penises
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
