The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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