Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Randomize
