i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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