im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
