I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
