My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Randomize
