Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
