She said her name was "party"
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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