Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize