I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
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