ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize