Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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