I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
