The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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