u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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