wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize