hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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