I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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