it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Randomize
