NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
