please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i would punch a child for taco bell
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
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