I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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