shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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