VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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