Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
