Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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