I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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