I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
