She is in my trunk
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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