Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize