New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
