If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
how does that bad decision feel?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize