at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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