the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
