bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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