Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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