Don't you send me to vm
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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