I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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