I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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