Will you blow on my dice?
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
smell my finger.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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