i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize