I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Randomize
