I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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