I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize