mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I pour the whiskey from now on
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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