I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize