when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
