Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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