I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
