Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
