I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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