he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
