a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
