Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
