I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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