I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize