I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm too high and old for this...
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