He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
