he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
