your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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