I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
