I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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