Screwed.edu
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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