oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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