It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I've blown a few things in my day
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
